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Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?

Amos 3:3

Can you imagine two people deciding to go to a destination they have both agreed upon. They agree to arrive there at the same time and they also agree to take the quickest route to get there. Since there was no agreement to follow one another or go together, each person jumps into their own car and opens up the navigation. The first person decides on their route to the destination, the route is short with some traffic. The second person decides on their route to the destination, the distance is longer but with less traffic. What are the chances that these two people will achieve what they set out to do?

One of the very important principles for a successful and fulfilled marriage is found in this verse: agreeing and walking together.

Husbands and wives must have regular planning sessions together. Agree and create a plan for your health, your relationship, finance, children (if you have any), goals, responsibilities, career, personal development and so on. You must both be in-step with one another on the direction and pace of your lives. You can have these planning sessions as frequently or infrequently as you need; maybe begin by holding them frequently and then as time goes on, adjust the frequency.

However, ensure to have regular touchpoints to assess your progress and growth, discuss new opportunities and threats. This ensures that you are both “walking together”, travelling together in the same car, heading together towards shared goals, having a shared experience, taking turns to drive and support one another as life often requires: “two heads are better than one!”

The benefit of these planning sessions is that it fosters dialogue, transparency and problem solving. For example, many couples do not have the opportunity to discuss issues wholistically, they often only address issues in isolation at it comes up. These planning sessions are beneficial for seeing the big picture, how one issue affects the other. It gives an insight into for example, how one person’s career demands may be negatively impacting the relationship with their spouse and children, but positively affecting the finance in the home; or how the other person taking a lot of responsibility in the home has a positive impact on the family but is negatively affecting their health. A healthy discussion about trade-offs and sacrifices can help to solve problems, create a plan of actions and align the couple.

Tips for having a planning session:

• Set a specific date and time (the duration of the session should be approximately 45min-1hr)
• Decide beforehand the topic areas you will like to cover in your sessions
• Hold the session at a time and place with no distractions
• You should both have a pen and paper to make notes – decide on one person to send out the minutes of the session afterwards (email is good as it can easily be referenced)
• Think about setting S.M.A.R.T goals
• Schedule for the next session
• Keep in mind that the planning sessions are for brainstorming, problem-solving, planning and setting goals, not for arguing or settling old scores.