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An excellent woman [one who is spiritual, capable, intelligent, and virtuous], who is he who can find her? Her value is more precious than jewels and her worth is far above rubies or pearls.

Proverbs 31:10

Contrary to mainstream beliefs, the number one reason for break-ups in marriage is neither finance, stress of children, extended family, nor even infidelity. The number one reason for break-ups is lack of commitment.

This verse, although refering to finding a wife, is equally applicable for finding a husband. Choosing the right partner is the most important determinant of whether or not you will have a happy, long-lasting and successful marriage. Seeking out a partner that is committed to helping you realize the best version of yourself in all areas of your life – physically, spiritually, emotionally, socially, financially, intellectually, and so forth, is the single most important thing you can do – so choose wisely!

Too often, we confuse age or physical maturity with a person’s preparedness for marriage. It is not uncommon to hear “But you are already so and so years old, when are you getting married?” However, we can all agree that a person’s physical maturity does nothing to inform of their emotional or mental maturity.

Although by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to reteach you the basic principles of God’s word. You need milk, not solid food! For everyone who lives on milk is still an infant, inexperienced in the message of righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained their senses to distinguish good from evil.

Hebrews 5:12-14

Simple put, maturity for marriage should be someone who has gone through the physical, emotional and mental stages of dependence, independence, and is now living in the awareness of a higher nature of interdependence. Such a person is a ready candidate for marriage.

Dependent people need others to get what they want. Independent people can get what they want through their own effort. Interdependent people combine their own efforts with the efforts of others to achieve their greatest success.

Stephen Covey (7 Habits of Highly Effective People)

Dependent people in marriage often need the love, attention and approval of their spouse to feel complete. Their sense of value and well-being are strongly fused in the relationship. Unfortunately therefore, they may become vulnerable to manipulation through the words, moods and behaviours of their spouse. This is not a firm foundation conducive to a happy and successful marriage.

Independent people in marriage are self-centred. They are often emotionally and mentally more mature than dependent people, but they lack the wisdom of the higher nature of self – we are social animals, we need social relationships, cooperation, and communication to exist and thrive. Independendent people look for what is in it for them and how they can get their own needs and desires met whether or not it is of mutual benefit to their spouse.

Interdependent people are the ideal candidates for marriage. They understand that choosing who to marry is the single most important decision they will make in their life because who you marry will influence the pivotal decisions you will make in life. Interdependent people choose their spouse based on mutual love and respect. They are people who truly understand in their core that marriage is about two becoming one and embrace the proverbial “two heads are better than one!”

Knowing therefore that commitment is a vital quality for marriage, seeking a partner that demonstrates commitment in the things they do becomes of vital importance. How committed is your partner to their goals, family, friends, church, job, education and so on? How do they deal with setbacks? How do they respond when the going gets tough? These indicators will inform of their current level of emotional and mental maturity.

Furthermore, the idea that marriage is a destination rather than a journey can also often be misleading. Many people miscontrue the ceremony as the marriage, after which they expect to live happily ever after. In actuality, marriage unravels gradually, it is forged out of shared ideals, goals and habits. It requires communication, understanding and commitment. Indeed, marriage will challenge and change you, however, with the right partner, it is a journey of discovery to becoming the best you can be.